non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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