No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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