mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
