she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
