I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
