see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize