i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
