That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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