Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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