ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
