This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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