Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
