i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
is it fun? or sober?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
