You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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