I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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