Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
