I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
