he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
