You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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