Im at strip club and am horny
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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