I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
