I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
