i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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