Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
