Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
