they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
even my farts smell like vagina
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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