You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
