What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize