one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
