I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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