Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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