There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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