I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
