I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
