I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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