Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
