I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
