I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize