everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
