im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
