you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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