Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
