There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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