I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize