he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
