I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
