Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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