Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
