One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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