I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize