Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
