I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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