Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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