Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
