last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
