I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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