just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the day after is always just damage control
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
