***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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