My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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