dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
