his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
