Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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