my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
