Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
