So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
