I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
