There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
