and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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