Redeem this text for a blowjob
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
