you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
